How I Overcame Negative Thinking and Walked into My Purpose
Featured Image Credit: PollyNor
Why I almost let the Devil win “Don’t be upset when another accomplishes what God told you to do. Procrastination will have you jealous of the success that was meant for you”.
That beginning quote quickly got me together.
It’s been one too many months since I’ve written ANYTHING, since I’ve set time aside to disconnect from the world and articulate the words that God has given me. I guess the first problem I have with my calling to write is the fact that I don’t want to. It’s hard and its time consuming, but like anything you are called to do, it will eat at you. The second problem I have with it is, well…I don’t know exactly what capacity he wants me to write in. It’s funny because he will give you the vision and the destination but the journey is fuzzy. I see myself as this blogger, with all these connections and partnerships but the how? Why did you give me this vision with a clear destination, but without clear direction of how to get there?
I would see these success stories about how people followed the vision God gave them and that’s when I almost caved in... I was convinced God gave them all of the tools, and only gave me a couple or God showed them the whole movie and I only got a snippet. I almost let the devil win because I simply didn’t want to do the work and I didn’t know what to do with the tools he gave me.
But who am I to waste the calling he put on my life? A few of the thoughts that plagued my mind were “Will it even be worth it?”, “Who even needs to hear what I have to say? But then I remembered that when you’re called to do something great, fear and doubt suddenly attack. The devil is a liar.
When you grow up in church, things start to become routine, like my prayer life. I would just have these broad prayer requests that weren’t specific to what I was asking clarity on. So, the intentional praying begun. The first was to intentionally pray about my career. Did I want to continue to be miserable in finance or did I finally want to venture into educating and uplifting the youth of those that look like me? The second thing I prayed for was location. Maybe I was dragging my feet or felt uninspired because of the space I was in? Next thing I know; I’m flying to DC for an expedited interview where I will be teaching children in underserved areas.
So there were my answers. Laid out, clear and plain as day. I would make the transition to Washington, DC at the end of 2016 and go get everything he promised me.
2017 is here, I’m in a new city and it’s gotten victory written all over it. The year of no small thinking, stepping up to my call of action, moving with confidence, and no wasted moments. I finally know what it takes to just BE in a moment and not have all of the answers (it’s extremely hard for a control freak). Just having this awareness within me of feelings and time, and using those aspects of my life to fuel my writing. This is the perfect city to network, be inspired, and to light my own spark.
I think I’m right where he needs me to be so that his work can be done with the out-pour of my love for him. I guess I’m saying all of this just to remind my fellow brown girl bosses that it may not all makes sense and you may not have it all figured out at this very moment but be still and listen to the voice that has already set the blueprint for the upward motion of your life.
My steps are already ordered; I just have to start walking (well, writing).
“Everybody wants to be famous, but nobody wants to do the work”.
We have the right to manifest whatever it is we want out of life, so choose it Queen.
-Ari
